Time To Be a Grownup

If you don't follow me on Twitter (and really now, who even reads this blog anymore that doesn't know me in real life or follows me on Twitter?) you may not be aware that this past January nearly killed me. I have a tendency to be dramatic, but really, this has been nuts.

In between starting an actual, grown-up business, my full-time job and attempting to maintain some sort of social life (not going so bad really, you guys still see me, right?) not to mention still doing the band/music thing, and the other blog, and my SXSW liaison stuff, and my web analytics association stuff...

I have gone down the line of having headaches and panic attacks again, on the grad school level. Strangely, this confirms to me that I am going down the right path; I only have panic attacks when major life changes are in store, so I will be positive and say this bodes well for me in the long run.

Still, I don't want to die, and I want to have some fun and live long enough to lose my shit this March at SXSW and then become a legitimate business lady by the end of the year, so I need to pace myself. So I've decided to make some adjustments:

1.) Getting at least 6 -7 hours of sleep a night

This is hard for me, because of my usual position on sleep, but in order for me to actually be effective at my many jobs and have room to be creative, this is a must.

2.) Eating actual meals at home.

I really need to take the time to make an actual dinner and sit and eat it, as opposed to shoving whatever seems edible into my piehole and running off to the next thing. It will be cheaper, too, and I am currently low on funds, since I am pouring all of my available income into either my business or DEP.

3.) Being very choosy about meetups/tweetups and other random bar events

One of the reasons my business partner is so GO all the time professionally, I think, is because she lives in Oak Park and there's absolutely @#$% going on there at night. I love going out to all these social media events but I am only one person. There is too much going on and I have to say no. Also, I am still an introvert at heart and all this facetime is making me hella neurotic. Also, again, I save money on boozeahol and transportation.

4.) Make more time for the random/unstructured creativity I keep going on about.

I still haven't finished vol. 2 of my weird garageband shit and I pumped out vol. 1 in a weekend. And I am still working on revising my NaNoWriMo book and making it into a manga. I just want a good 2 hours a week for that stuff you know? Not too much to ask.

I don't normally make these kinds of self-help bullshit announcements about life changes on the blog, but this is more of a reminder to me than anything else.

THIS I DECREE

So the other day I went to a store in Lincoln Square and saw a gigantic bottle of vodka shaped like a rifle. Then a few days later I found out that Dillinger Escape Plan is playing in Chicago the weekend after my birthday. I have concluded that this is a sign: April 2nd is my very special day for me to DO IT FUCKING LIVE.

This is been a hell of a year so far and it's only been a month. I AM SO READY TO LOSE MY SHIT IT HURTS. So here's the fucking deal.

My day is going to go like this:

1.) Enjoy gigantic rifle of vodka
2.) Eat some delicious birthday cake
3.) Go eat a bunch of fucking chicken wings and fried pickles at Reggie's
4.) Get my fucking face fucking melted off
5.) Scream a lot
6.) Have some encounter that involves some combination of the below:

Greg Puciato:

• Yelling in my face
• Grabbing me by the face
• Grabbing me and yelling in my face
• Breathing fire
• Setting something on fire
• Stepping on people's faces
• Stepping on my face
• Hanging from the ceiling
• The entire ceiling at Reggie's falling on us

5.) Clock a random dude/chick because they fucked with me/looked at me
6.) Going to jail

and/or

7.) Going home and enjoying what is left my vodka rifle.


If you are my friend and would like to join me on this special adventure (and you are certainly welcome) this I decree: THIS IS AN EVENING OF DOING IT LIVE. Do not come to this day with anything less than this. Do not darken my doorstep with anything resembling emo, sensitivity or other bullshit feelings, unless those feelings are AGGRESSION. If you would like to have a conversation, these topics are acceptable:

1) AAARRRGH GODDAMN IT
2) Hey I can't wait to hear X song from Y album
3) SHIT YEAH
4) Pass that beer/vodka rifle
5) OH SHIT ITS FIRE

If you talk to me about anything that doesn't fall into these five topics, I WILL LEAVE YOU. Seriously. Also, you may need to get my bail money. My special day for me requires three things: me, my vodka rifle and DEP.

This I decree.

Music in 2010: K's Fangirl Meltdown!

Remember back on the blog about a year ago where I talked about the all the rumored and scheduled reunions from bands in the 90's? Looks like that was just the appetizer for the YEAR OF WIN that is about to occur for me. I am going to need to be really stingy about my vacation time because I am pretty much going to spend it going to shows all around the world, if all goes well.

Y'all know about the Faith No More reunion; I mentioned that last year. They've played every country on earth except the U.S. and Canada since then and it's been frustrating. A couple of my friends have astutely pointed out that they are much more likely to actually make money touring in other countries, where FNM was more than just "those guys that did Epic." Personally, I think there's a whole group of younger metal kids that discovered FNM late, and you can't discount the ironic hipster audience. Their money is still green.

Either way, I have it on decent authority *cough* BillyGouldDMedmeonTwitter *cough* that FNM will hit the states in 2010, and I don't care where they go, I will be there.

Then, on New Year's Eve, a certain failed Timbaland protegee announced that Soundgarden is reforming. I NEVER EVER thought this would happen, mostly because I feel like all the guys seemed to move on to different things musically and maybe the mighty 'Garden had nothing left to say. I thought they went out on a good note, though, Down On The Upside was a really good record. Strangely, as excited as I am by this reunion, FNM still excites me more, maybe it's because I feel like through the years Mike Patton has just gotten more awesome and Chris Cornell just seems to disappoint me more with each passing year. *braces for delusional fangirl onslaught*
Then there's the Big 4 Concert: Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax. For that show, for the time being, I'd have to go to Prague or something. I'd be down with that, but the new TSA rules are gonna make travel a bitch and a half, so I guess I will have to choose my adventures carefully. I don't even know how this is gonna go down, I think a lot of wayward metal fans will just be in this for the spectacle.

So those are the big concerts and that doesn't even start to get to the great music from a couple of my favorite bands/artists that didn't peak in 1993!

Namie Amuro's got a new one. it's already out in Japan but won't get here until like February. I wasn't crazy about the single New Look, but I have faith in Namie, and the new video clips look badass. A couple of years ago her and Dillinger Escape Plan fought for my favorite CD of the year , and they will do so again...

Speaking of DEP I am pretty sure Option Paralysis will kick my ass in March, considering the first single, Farewell Mona Lisa, jacked me up real bad - in the very best way possible: it's horrific and lovely, with an almost anthemic chorus. Ya'll know I loved Ire Works, but I get that there were fans that didn't take to the more structured sounding singles and this new album seems like it may meld their chaotic/melodic styles in a more seamless way than IW did, reminiscent of Patton's go-round with the band, on Irony is a Dead Scene. They inspire me.

Also in March there's new Daughters! I am unsure if this band even exists anymore, since I heard rumors that band friction tore them apart, and lead to the delay of this upcoming album. If it's true, it's really too bad. Their last album, Hell Songs took them in a really cool, really weird direction, like if a drunk, sexually deviant Elvis fronted a grindcore band. I heard this new album is supposed to move in an even more extreme direction, which sounds like my kind of party. Also, I want to see them live again because it was one of the most bizarre concert experiences I've had in years.

And THEN, Does it Offend You, Yeah? Sumshiney fun dance punk, that I should be sick of by now, but I am not. I hear this new album is going to be more influenced by Muse and prog-rock. I am not hearing anything remotely prog-influenced from them, but I like surprises!

...Unless it's Interpol. Fuck you, I like Interpol, still, even though they put out the same album over and over again. There's nothing that I've heard about the new album that indicates they will be doing anything different than what they've have done for the past three albums, but at least in the case of Interpol, I don't care for some reason.

Also, Genghis Tron is coming out with a new album, who knows when - until then I'll just listen to the last song of the latest Converge album. I miss you, boys.

Risk and Failure

So I've been thinking a lot about failure lately. Not in a bad way, where I am picking at old wounds. Actually thinking about failure in a positive way; how and when I can learn from it, both in my professional life and my personal life.

I got a copy of the latest Wired magazine, which is all about failure, different examples of companies and individuals taking risks and failing hard.

That seems like a goofy thing for Wired to have a cover story on, on a surface level, but it's really not. The more I do this "social media" stuff at my job - a blank slate of a profession that can only be filled through experimentation and failure - and look at so many industries (journalism/publishing, banking, etc.) completely crash and burn, it's clear to me that the language of failure is something we need to start getting used to on a global level; there's much more to come.

I don't like to fail; it's one thing I am really stubborn about, in a few areas of my life, if not all. When you're bookish and achievement-oriented, there is NOTHING that can be learned from failure. It's just something that must be corrected and eliminated. I'm way more skittish about failure in my personal life: friendships, dating, etc. than professional, I take more risks in the latter, though there is always room for improvement there too. But failing is something I want to work on for 2010. I have to admit, while 2009 really handed an ass sandwich to many of my friends and loved ones, it wasn't so bad for me. (My hope is next year will be WIN for us all.) I feel fortunate, very fortunate, to have a job/career I enjoy, good friends, supportive family, my health, opportunities to do exciting things, like travel and play in a band etc. Things could ALWAYS be better, but there's no use in bellyaching over it.

Even so, the one thing I feel like I punked out on was risk-taking, measured risk-taking, I played it safe in a couple of situations, personally and professionally, where I could have made a big leap, just to do it, just for the experience of really tasting hard failure and learning from it. As a result, I ended up failing from inaction. I wasn't hurt, or negatively impacted, but I gained nothing.

I do feel like there's been an incremental shift in my mindset that's making me more excited about taking risks, even if those risks mean failure - perhaps even widening that margin of error, knowing that things may not work out (start a business! ask that dude out who's out of your league!) Why the hell not?

I was talking to a friend today about risk and failure, more in a professional context than a personal one; it's still a taboo topic in so many areas; I can think of dozens of instances where just to talk honestly about failure is squashed, even where there are opportunities for people gain from what was learned. We hide failure in shame, mask it with bravado, and slowly make things worse, to the point where you can't hide it anymore and then it's a failure you can't learn from, it just jacks you up.

I dunno where I am going with this. I guess I'm just hoping to have the courage to fail a bit more next year and see where it takes me.

Happy New Year, all.

The Top 5 Albums I Listened To This Year - That actually came out this year.

This year was OK for music, I guess. OK, I am being kind. For me, this year sucked for music. The only album that really jumped up and slapped me in the face was The Blue Record by Baroness, and apparently, it's no longer cool to like them since NPR took notice of them. Either way, this is what I listened to most this year - at least what actually came out this year.

Kylesa - Static Tensions

It's got the sludgy/stoner vibe that all the kids (and by all the kids, I mean "I") enjoy so much.

Keelhaul - Keelhaul's Triumphant Return To Obscurity

I saw them live this fall and got the album immediately It's kinda prog-like, if you listen to shit like ISIS you will like them.

Converge - Axe To Fall

This album never fails to put me in a horrible mood. Yay.

Baroness - The Blue Record

I already talked about this album before; still rocks. Just great songwriting, period. there's nothing wrong with heavy music that values melody or accessibility. I've won over a few non-metal fans with it. That's how it should be.

*shrug*

And then there's more:

An album that I liked for about a week:
Alice In Chains - Black Gives Way to Blue
Aaaand, meh.

An album I liked way more than I expected:
St. Vincent - Actor
That chick's heavy.

Bass Hero

So tonight I went to see one of my bass crushes, Brian Cook, play with one of his many bands, Russian Circles. I guess I have been playing bass long enough to have bass players i want to be like. I didn't even think about it too much until I realized I was going to see Russian Circles mostly just so I could hear this guy play and watch what he does. I didn't think I was that kind of person, but I guess I am. One night last week, I stayed up until 3 am, trying to ape his sound from one of his other bands, These Arms are Snakes.

I think I am at the point now where I can come in and just learn and play a song (or at least fake it with the root notes) and not feel intimidated, but I don't have a sound or a style and i love listening to those that do. I think there are the usual folks that bass players look up to: Geddy Lee and Victor Wooten and Flea and Cliff Burton and Jaco Pastorius and Larry Graham and yadda yadda. And those guys are all great. But when I think about who I want to play like, I have to say right now it's Brian Cook, who can go from brutal (Botch) to bouncy and hip swiveling, while still being brutal (TAAS) to sprawling and orchestral while still being brutal (Russian Circles). His tone is just nuts. He holds it down like a pro. I hear him and I want to go practice and spend all my money on whatever gear he's got.

but I have more than one bass hero - there's also...

Mark King: He used to be in Level 42. He is a great bassist. He's a slapping, popping kind of dude. I can't do that shit, and I want to. He manages to incorporate a really funky sound without it being too showy, but making it unmissable, they way the bass should be. Ahem.

Carlos D: Say what you want about Interpol as a band. no one can deny the talent of Carlos D. He makes that low, octave - hopping, disco bass thing sound easy, until you try to play it. Once again, he's the kind of bass player that makes the instrument a crucial part of the sound without being flashy in a bad way.

Paz Lenchantin: I love the work she's done with A Perfect Circle. She has a very non-rock sound, almost jazzy but that sounds rock anyway. I am also a huge fan of the fact that she really outspoken about gender equality in the rock music scene, but she's not at all ashamed of being feminine and sexy in her personal style. She is taken very seriously as a musician without being pressured to wear boxy slacks or blazers with shoulder pads some nonsense.

I like the role of bass guitar in the usual rock band structure. It's not an "ooh and ahh" instrument, usually. In many cases, you aren't aware of how awesome it is until about 3 -4 plays into a song. It's a stealth bomber.

Thinking Out Loud

I am trying to figure out exactly what to do with this blog. I feel like this is a good place to do random longer form writing, but I find myself becoming less and less inclined to do journal type entries here. I love to write and I still do, but I feel like this is much more free from than what I do (occasionally) at The Learned Fangirl and I like it that way. Writing for this blog is way easier and more natural for me, so I want to keep it around for that reason, but sometimes I don't have a lot to say.

Hmmm.

Actually, I might have something to say tonight. Stay tuned.

November: Month of Random Creativity

So it's probably obvious that I don't come around the blog much these days. Not because I don't want to; I have had a lot of vague blog post ideas that I never get around to; I just decided instead to devote my month to random, unstructured creativity, stuff that I would do for no other reason than my own amusement.

It turned out better than I could have imagined. I decided to do NaNoWriMo this month. Unlike two year years ago where I had a vague idea and vague character sketches, I cam into NaNo this year with a full on plot and I actually finished this year! I am very proud that I finished even though the novel itself is pretty awful, i think. It was a lot of fun to write and there is an actual good story within this terrible novel, I just have to edit that story out, for lack of a better description.

I think doing NaNo this year started a domino effect of creativity and general emotional well being. Despite doing NaNo, I slept more, and I slept better. I actually had dreams, like REM sleep and shit! I decided to quit one of the volunteer boards that I was on because I just wanted the time for me. I noodled on bass more often and actually did weird garageband shit. I started writing even more short story ideas!

All this while still working on the same level I normally do. It didn't feel like more work.

So the moral of this story, for me at least, is that I will make unstructured creativity a priority for me again. Not on the level of NaNoWriMo necessarily, but to take the time to create stuff, stuff I don't necessarily have to share. When I was young, that was actually a big part of my life, I'd write stories, journal, songs, draw, for no reason than to do it and to amuse myself. I did it less and less over the year and I think that was a big mistake. But as you get older I think you start to get pressured to make your hobbies public. You're not a "real" writer until you publish, and so forth. I think that's bullshit. I think part of the reason a lot of people get so nitpicky and neurotic at their jobs is because they don't make the time to be creative at home. (OK, that's armchair psychology, but whatevs.)

So yeah, do something pointlessly creative today, if that's your thing. Draw a cool picture, strum a little song, punch a poser in the face (oh wait, er...) Anyway, do something fun and creative. You don't have to share it. Unless you want to :)