I can't say that I would recommend the movie Wet Hot American Summer, because, well, it's not all that funny. Except if you do happen to see it, just skip to the scenes with Chris Meloni from Law and Order:SVU, where he plays a Vietnam Vet who talks to a can of mixed vegetables, humps a refrigerator and does a weird parody of Dirty Dancing and the Karate Kid. I've seen him on SVU and OZ, but now I will never think of him in the same way again. He should really have his own show.

A few weeks ago while walking to work, I was talking to Raizel about Ari Fleischer, who I think has the tooliest job in America. Even toolier than Ryan Seacrest. I mean, the whole point of being the White House press secretary is to be the President's lacky mouthpiece. And under Dubya's administration, especially after 9-11 and the Iraq war, he's been toolier than most. "How can he wake up in the morning and look himself in the mirror knowing he's George W's bitch?" I asked. Maybe that thought finally crossed his mind as well...

I saw Anthrax live this weekend. Really good show. But it's been a long time since I've felt that much like a girl. I'm writing a rant about it.

Wow, it's been a long time, ya'll. I've been off for the past three days and I've done ...nothing! I tell ya, there is nothing like staying up until 2am watching a DBZ marathon and drinking cheap red wine, only to wake up at 11am to half-heartedly watch "The View." I also posted two new rants to the website. Vacations like these are better than actually going somewhere.

Dork news! Dork News!

Return of the King is 4 hours and 20 minutes!?

Oooh...I will gladly sit through 4+ hours of that shit. Gladly.

Here are some sobering statistics; Black men aren't the only ones who are "endangered".

You know? The cool thing about knowing me is that I'm a kaleidescope of emotions. Remember, two weeks ago I was all punch-drunk and happy? Now I'm really depressed, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong with my life. See? It's all about variety. I'll get back to you on the depression thing. I think it's the writers' block. Or the job. I dunno. It's late.

OK, I don't know what the fuck went wrong on that last post, but either way, I have a new post on the website about me and Viv going shopping, so check it out

Finally, after many (Ok, two) months...a new post on the
Edited to add -- am I sick to think that Jack and Sherry have way more chemistry than Jack and Kate?

Oh, and hooray for Viv and Jeff, as they will be a first-time wacky aunt and uncle by the fall...
Yaaaay!

I've had a pretty nasty case of writer's block lately. I've been feeling kind of bleh and sorry for myself the past week or so... and work has been kinda busy, so I haven't felt suitably inspired to sit down and write when I get home, even though I have all of these ideas floating around in my head. These are the times when I hate being a writer, or calling myself a writer, because I feel like a fraud...

I was reading this interview with Reiko Ayelsworth (Michelle on "24"), and man, I would pay someone my meager earnings to spend the day on the set of that show. Seriously. I'd be bopping around, calling the actors by their characters names, berating the writers for killing off Yusef. Calling Kiefer "The Kief" and Dennis Haysbert "Prez". They'd call security. "Get this crazy bitch out of here!" Heh. One of these days, I'll get a life ... but then I probably won't be very interesting...

Sigh. I'm not a member of the Halle Berry Fan Club, as you well know, but this woman can't seem to catch a break. Geez, criticize her acting if you want, but don't fault her for being bi-racial.

You are Storm!

You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hey, I didn't rig this quiz; It just makes a lot of sense to me. Storm is a lot like me, now that I think about it. Maybe that's why I'm so upset that her character was made into a such a cutesy supermodel-type in the movie(s).

Ok, I'm really worried about this Metallica MTVicon thing, now.

So...this weekend was OK, I guess. I had a very stressful week at my job, where I came thisclose to quitting. I don't want to talk about it, except to say: Office Space. So that was that. So on Friday Patrick and I decided to try to got to the movies. That went badly. We ended up trying to see X Men-2, despite the fact that we both hated the first one, because nothing else is out this week. And we are hopeless dorks. We spent 45 minutes looking for parking. Anyone who lives in or near Lakeview knows how hard that is to do on a Friday night. The multiplex we went to was showing X-Men on 5 screens. Five fucking screens, y'all. All of them were sold out. So we drove downtown. No parking. We went back to Lakeview, hoping something good was at the Music Box. What was playing? French porn from the 1920's. No, we did not see it. Pat tried to get me to go to Village North in Rogers Park, but I don't like sharing my movie experiences with rats. So...we drove around for two and a half hours, making breaks for dinner and coffee, to see a movie. And we didn't. Ah, to be young and a dork in Chicago.

The organization I volunteer for, Beyondmedia, had an open-mic/film screening fundraiser this weekend. It got a big turn out and I think we probably raised some cash, which I am happy about. Yay for us!! I brought my journal, because I bring my journal everywhere and I wanted to record my impressions of the event, and maybe use it...for something. People came up and asked me if I was going to perform. I laughed. "OH, no!" I said. I'm sure they would get a kick out of my "Lettuce" poem. Not only am I a "bad" feminist, I am a "bad" member of the writing community as well, I guess.

Everyone on earth knows I'm a big geek, so of course co-workers asked me if I'm going to see X-men 2 tonight. Um, no. Not unless it's showing for free somewhere. A lot of people have heard in the past my disappointment with the first X-Men movie, which is basically a showcase of bad casting choices. Ian McKellen rocks my world, but he is an awful Magneto. Mags is supposed to be all fiery, charismatic, and righteous, not a doddering, chess-playing old man. Likewise, I can't see Halle Berry rocking with the hand-to-hand combat, or the leather and mohawk look Storm had back in the day. I see her with that little smile in those X-Men print ads, and I think "Stop smiling Halle! You're Storm! You're supposed to be cool!"

Sad --and surreal --news for fans of old-school professional wrestling:

"Miss Elizabeth" dead at 42. Wow.

Well, the weekend is unofficially here. I hope it's a less frustrating one than last week. No, I take that back, it was fun, yet frustrating. I had no idea that the simple act of helping my friend shop for a cocktail dress would end up being so infuriating. But whatever. I'm posting an account of our ... er, adventures on my site this weekend.

Ooooh! It's a cartoon! And people swear in it! And it's violent!

Yup, it's another mainstream article about the popularity of Cowboy Bebop.The idea of an adult-oriented animated series should not be that hard for people to grasp at this point. Geez.

Ever see that movie Office Space? I am there, man.

Looks like MSNBC's Ashleigh Banfield's gonna be out of a job real soon.

I'm Sorry I Ever Doubted You -- Part I:
When I was in school, I used Aveda hair care products, even thought they are fucking expensive and cost more than my old apartment. Then I got out of school and started paying loans, and I decided that spending that much money for hair products is obscene, considering how much I pay just to get my hair done on a monthly basis. But man, I tried their new Sap Moss pre-shampoo treatment, for people like me with dry-ass hair, and I saw the light. Damn, I love that stuff. I love the woodsy, earthy smell, and I love the fact that my formerly dry moisture-starved scalp feels so wonderful. Hallelujah! So now I’m going back to Aveda, and I’m sorry I ever doubted them.

I'm Sorry I Ever Doubted You -- Part II:
I spent many years making fun of Dragonball Z because of its bad animation, repetitive storylines and awful dialogue (ex. dialogue, “AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH AHHHH AHHH AGHHHHHHH!”) Well, then I saw a bunch of episodes in a row, and realized two things: 1) Bad animation, repetitive storylines and awful dialogue can be highly amusing, especially when interspersed with scenes of apocalyptic cartoon violence. 2.) I love Vegeta. He is short, has a receding hairline and is an asshole who thinks he is better than everyone else, yet seems to get his ass kicked a lot. Man, I went to grad school with Vegeta. Short, balding, arrogant asshole = comedy gold. It’s funny cause it’s true. Also, if I don't find out how the Cell Games end sometime soon, I am going KILL SOMEBODY! So in short, Patrick, I'm sorry I ever doubted you too. Just stay away from the booze. And my kitchen.

"We as Americans are completely obsessed and wrapped up in a lot of the wrong values -- looking good, having cash in the bank, being perceived as rich, famous and successful or just being famous."

Says Madonna.

Independence Limited
Freedom of Choice
Choice Is Made for You My Friend
Freedom of Speech
Speech Is Words That They Will Bend
Freedom with Their Exception
Eye of the Beholder--Metallica (1998)

For the past couple of days I've been filled with a manic energy and a strange sense of lucidity ... I'm more aware of my thoughts and of the things around me --sounds, smells. And I keep remembering things --places, people, etc-- that I haven't thought of for years. It's weird! It's like i'm on drugs, but I swear I'm not! It's weird, though...

Dear "24" producers,

I hate you.

Entertainment birth and death watch:

Finally, Catherine Zeta-Jones had that baby. And it's a girl. Good for her. I was thinking, "hasn't she been pregnant for about two years straight now?"

Nina Simone is dead at 70. I have never been a big jazz fan, but Nina Simone was pretty cool. Strangely enough, it was thanks to TV's "Night Court" that I first learned about Nina Simone at about 11 years old...Weird, huh...

Scary fan-fic of the week, part I:
Aaaaaagh! My eyes! It's Shanghai Noon Slash!

Scary fan-fic of the week, part II:
Cosby Show angst--Theo's on drugs!

Weird.

I was watching some MTV special on Madonna at my mom's house this weekend and I realized something. I really don't like her. Madonna, I mean. She's so condescending and self-important, even when she's trying to be all introspective. She tries so hard to sound deep, and she always comes off like some smart-ass undergraduate who has just taken Cultural Studies 101 and wants to educate everybody. She discovers kinky sex, so suddenly she feels like the whole goddamn world needs a coffee-table book on the subject. She has children and suddenly the entire world needs to know how "your priorities change once you have a child." Thanks, lady, I'm sure the trillions of people in the world who had children before you did never would have figured that profound realization without your help. Then she talks about her new album: "People categorize themselves, you know? They say 'I'm black' or "I'n white' or 'I'm christian' or "I'm jewish', and that's how wars start." I'm thinking, just shut up! I have no problem with celebrities speaking their mind about the war, but Madonna's "my-personal-voyage-of-self-discovery-is-one-that-I-must-share-with-the-world" bullshit is just tiresome, because she honestly thinks she's coming up with original ideas! God, it's annoying. Just shut up and pimp your tired-ass dance pop, OK?

Edited to add: I also saw a bit of Helen of Troy on USA and it was like a who's who of semi-obscure British actors that I like. Oooooh! Rufus Sewell! Yaaaay! Craig Kelly! But as soon as I saw Craig Kelly, he got killed. "Nooooooo! Viiiiiiiince!" I screamed. "He's always getting killled," my mother said in response.

Just returned from a Easter weekend of fun at my mom's house. Of course, as expected, we did not go to church, we sat around watching Trading Spaces and Perry Mason reruns. I caught up on DBZ and Real World/Road Rules marathons. Yes, what better way to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus than sitting on one's ass and watching cable.