It seems like women are socialized into downplaying their accomplishments.
(I'm not talking about anyone in particular, here, but ...) I see guys who are not really all that impressive strut around and bragging like they're hot stuff, and chicks who are comparatively way more accomplished who really downplay their awesomeness, as if being a nuclear physicist or a tri-lingual human rights lawyer is no big deal and she really needs to lose ten pounds. Meanwhile the dude who is, like, a clerk at American Apparel rolls up like "I hung out with Girl Talk at an afterparty last week, because I rock!"
I don't get it. Well, no, maybe I do. It's the "uppity woman" syndrome. Even if you are kicking ass at life in some way, you can't really acknowledge that, or you're some stuck-up bitch that doesn't know your place.
Or you're somehow deluding yourself because you can't really be OK with yourself; you're fat/thin/pushy/timid/slutty/frigid/single/married/clingy/distant so go read Cosmo/Essence and get your life back together, girl!
I feel like I do it to myself too. Someone at my job told me that they'd been hearing good things about my work, the first thing I did was go "oh no, that's no big deal at all." Why did I do that? And why was that the first thing I did?
I'm not saying I want to go around thumping my chest over every small accomplishment or that all women should. I just notice so many chicks I know (me included) who beat themselves up everyday for not having perfect lives in a way I never see guys do.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Some very random thoughts about gender and personality
Posted by K. at 5:43 PM
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4 comments:
A simple explanation: we've (women) have internalized the double-standard. Men who have discernably no talent, interesting characteristics, or attractiveness still feel like their big shit because they will always be able to find a woman to sleep with them. GQ just touted Seth Rogen--SETH FREAKIN' ROGEN!!--as a sex symbol. Meanwhile I haven't gone on a date in forever. What kind of B-S is that?!!
Women in general need to be more Type-A. Not be assholes, but be more proud of who they are and what they do, esp. if we do it well. Ironically, one group that doesn't have a problem with this are strippers.
I want to say so very much here...but, even to my own ears/eyes it sounds a bit bitter.
One thing I've noticed about many of the guys I've dated in the past, with a few exceptions...I've always been the one in the relationship who had more friends, more positive familial relationships, better career options, and a lot more ambition than them. And it didn't work out too well..they tended to get upset about my 60 hour work weeks, my want/need to spend time with friends and family, and in the end, my personality as a whole. But, ironically, every single one of them said that those were the exact traits that drew them to me in the first place. Now, how's that for a double-standard?
QGM, yeah, I've been there too. I think many men are afraid of what they truly want if it doesn't fit into what society expects them to want.
(and a self-correction, my earlier post--2nd sentence--should have read "...still feel like they're bit shit...")
I think, too, women are told that their worth is inherently tied to their desirability (made up of physical attractiveness and inoffensive personality), whereas men are told their worth is tied to their achievements. So no matter how small, a man will play up his achievements. And no matter how accomplished she is, a woman will downplay hers in order not to offend, because an uppity woman, a take-charge woman, is seen as by many as undesirable.
Even in non-sexual interaction, I think some degree of this sneaks in, because men are constantly evaluating a woman's attractiveness, whether they are seeking a sexual encounter or not, and to some degree, women are evaluating *each other's* relative attractiveness, whether it's to size up the competition or even just learn something new for their own use.
Like big sis said, one group that doesn't have a problem with this is strippers. But I wonder how much of that is tied to their place on the desirability ladder. :-/
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